Digital Communication and the Development of Interpersonal Skills
There is no question of the benefit the now large-scale use of digital communications technology. Instant access to information and people has brought the world closer together, allowing other to stay in touch and experience what others are experiencing. But this, in my experience, is a double-edged sword. All around me I have grown to notice instances of people who have a dependency on this form of communication, stunting their social growth in face to face situations. This thought was first pointed out to me by my psychologist, a thought that has helped me become more interact with my real-life environment.
As a recent example, my previous girlfriend and I would always deal with our problems through some form of digital communication - whether it be text, skype, or email. Our daily face to face interactions were nothing but lovely; but, when someone got their feelings hurt, we would go to different places and resume our argument via the internet. This always made it easier. At first, the arguments would grow more intense, since we both felt more comfortable expressing our true emotions in a text message than we did saying it. But then, we would work it out because we were having a real conversation instead of a passive aggressive standoff. The ease with which we talked was brought about by the fact that we could physically place distance between ourselves, avoid acknowledgement that what we say might be hurting the other, and allow our emotions to gush unfiltered in a manner that wouldn’t normally happen in a face to face conversation. As Manovich discusses in New Media Reader, “Distance allows the subject to treat the Other as object; in short, it makes objectification possible.” (174) Here, Manovich was trying to argue that digital communications help to collapse this distance. While true in many means, it can also be used to build an artificial distance which can have the same objectifying effect. Just take any racist meme, like the one below. While this one is on the mild side relative to what is out there, people will put things on the web that they wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face. But because that distance is present, many of the social structures that regulate interpersonal interactions are not there.
As a recent example, my previous girlfriend and I would always deal with our problems through some form of digital communication - whether it be text, skype, or email. Our daily face to face interactions were nothing but lovely; but, when someone got their feelings hurt, we would go to different places and resume our argument via the internet. This always made it easier. At first, the arguments would grow more intense, since we both felt more comfortable expressing our true emotions in a text message than we did saying it. But then, we would work it out because we were having a real conversation instead of a passive aggressive standoff. The ease with which we talked was brought about by the fact that we could physically place distance between ourselves, avoid acknowledgement that what we say might be hurting the other, and allow our emotions to gush unfiltered in a manner that wouldn’t normally happen in a face to face conversation. As Manovich discusses in New Media Reader, “Distance allows the subject to treat the Other as object; in short, it makes objectification possible.” (174) Here, Manovich was trying to argue that digital communications help to collapse this distance. While true in many means, it can also be used to build an artificial distance which can have the same objectifying effect. Just take any racist meme, like the one below. While this one is on the mild side relative to what is out there, people will put things on the web that they wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face. But because that distance is present, many of the social structures that regulate interpersonal interactions are not there.
This artificial distance is comfortable. Even though my girlfriend would often be just minutes away, we were able to feel even farther apart than that through digital communication. As Davison points out in the Language of Internet Memes, the internet, which is closely related to digital communication, “protects [users] from the regulation or punishment that peers or authorities might attempt to enact”. (SMR 132) Here he was discussing how the anonymous generation of memes allows for people to escape social regulation that would normally be present. Digital communication can be used in a similar manner because it affords use artificial distance. We could objectify the other person, and behind the safety of distance hurl our raw emotions at each other until we both settled down. It made things easy to work out, just type down your emotions until everything is okay again. The problem was that we were avoiding the true consequences of our arguments. We couldn’t see how each emotional bard showed on the other’s face. We couldn’t learn how to talk under emotional duress. We just couldn’t learn to deal with each other in emotional situations face to face. We solved the problem, but were avoiding the hard part. This is what is called negative reinforcement - by solving the perceived problem while avoiding the difficult aspects, we stunted our ability to communicate effectively in person. And because it was easier every time, this was always the route we took, reinforcing the tendency to avoid difficult social situations, instead trying to tackle them from the artificial distance that digital communication can afford. In this way, I grew less and less adept at face to face interaction.
The ease of dealing with things via the internet has had an affect on even mildly difficult tasks. Why call customer service when I can click my way through a million menus for an hour on the website to get what I want? Why call and ask for a refund when I can send an extremely snarky email? At my worst, I didn’t even know how to approach new people or talk to the person behind the cash register. The artificial distance I could create via the web allowed me to negatively reinforce my bad social habits, and along with other factors contributed to a growing difficulty of dealing with real life situations. While I certainly see all the benefits digital communications can afford, in my personal experience there can be downsides as well. Here is more on negative reinforcement, a powerful factor that I believe was at play in my experience and the negative factors of digital communication. Introduction to Negative Reinforcement
The ease of dealing with things via the internet has had an affect on even mildly difficult tasks. Why call customer service when I can click my way through a million menus for an hour on the website to get what I want? Why call and ask for a refund when I can send an extremely snarky email? At my worst, I didn’t even know how to approach new people or talk to the person behind the cash register. The artificial distance I could create via the web allowed me to negatively reinforce my bad social habits, and along with other factors contributed to a growing difficulty of dealing with real life situations. While I certainly see all the benefits digital communications can afford, in my personal experience there can be downsides as well. Here is more on negative reinforcement, a powerful factor that I believe was at play in my experience and the negative factors of digital communication. Introduction to Negative Reinforcement